(i am writing this not for you to read but for myself to express)
i feel sadness and emptiness.
sadness for there's nothing i can do but to accept.
emptiness for the big space in my heart.
it was wrong to say that i need a man in my life. and its not what i want or need. i just want to free myself from loving you because its not healthy for my heart anymore. now i want to start again but i dont even know where to begin. it was different from him before because i had danice, kaye and bk who helped me move on. but now, i only have myself. i dont want to tell others because i dont want them to tell me that im stupid or im wrong. i may sound selfish but i want to keep this relationship for myself. the private the better. the less opinion from others, the less pain for me.
there are so many what if's inside my head.
what if you were brave enough to leave her? will i be happy? will you be happy?
what if i will just disappear right now? will u miss me more and more?
what if i have the courage to tell you to leave her and choose me? will it change your mind?
i need more strength. its too hard. im totally lost....god help me.....
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